Agh I can't even talk to my mom properly, I hate this. She won't even listen to me, all she does is blab on about her story and never lets me talk. Did she ever realize that I just needed someone to talk to and not listen to her side of the story? I hate it. I've never really been able to talk to her for real without her problems. As usual it's the weight problem that I've had for ages and I can't solve it because it just feels so hopeless at times. I've given up, I'll try again and give up. I feel like I can't do this. I don't have a motivation or something that's a strong goal in mind. Sure I want to loose alot of weight and get some muscle on my arms for my Sakura Haruno cosplay, but the convention is in October like 8 months away, and loosing weight takes forever. I hate it. My brother and dad never help because they love food, so they aren't really good role models, as for my mom...well we'll just leave it at that. I hate seeing cosplayers that have a really good body for their character because it makes me realize that I will probably never be able to achieve that for my body type. I don't know what to do, I just feel so alone. (That would be leading into problem number 2, friends)
The only form of exercise I have access to is running/jumping. But that doesn't really loose weight, I need to lift weights. But who knows if that will ever happen because I am lazy when it comes to exercise. I've already decreased my meals, by alot (but I need to eat more veggies), I just need to get off my behind and do something. Anyways my brain is so disorganized that I really can't organize what I wanted to say.
Problem number 2: friends is what I lack and it's driving me insane. Why does college have to be so independent? I feel so insignificant and that like no one really cares about my life anymore. I just don't talk that much any more in school because what's the point? No one knows each other so I'll just become a mute, a zombie. Would be nice if I could actually have a crush and experience a relationship, but it seems I fail in that area too. I'm craving attention, but seems like I'll never get it. So I shut up and daydream. Daydreaming is my escape, my pleasure for if I don't have these things why not just think about it if I can't experience it for myself? So I create stories and the fun continues.
On a happier random note, just for kicks let's list how many similarities that Sakura and I have together. ^^
1. We both had long hair and cut it way short.
2. We both had a crush on someone
3. That someone took a different path from our own so we haven't seen him in a long time
4. Finally see him and realize the changes (Although Sakura is dedicated to Sasuke, as for me he's just a friend nothing more.)
5. Weak and shy, but stronger nowadays
6. I have too many clothing items that are red and red isn't my favorite color it's blue! ^^
7. Both have nice personalties, although Sakura has more of a temper then I do, I'm more mellow.
If I think of any more I'll probably post them for my own happiness. Anyways ranting things, nobody listens anyway. I shall go disappear now.
