Thoughts

Wow I haven't posted on this in a very very long time. I really just like to write here to rant and things when I'm feeling down. So regarding friends... I feel terrible. Whenever I'm in groups of friends I'm starting to feel left out and I seem to get jealous very easily. I hate it. I don't like that I get jealous if one friend is only talking to another and I'm just listening there. Why do I feel this way? I hate it because I start thinking my friend is going to disappear and they don't like me. I'm going to assume it's because I've been alone in college for so long that when I do get in a group of friends it's almost as if I'm craving attention. So when it gets taken away from me I feel down and jealous.

I'm just a mess. I react to things way differently than I did before. For example, a few years ago I wouldn't have cared too much, but now it's different. Why do I have to be like this? I just want friends. I'm tired of being alone. I'm waay too sensitive, but regarding everything that's happened I suppose that's to be expected.

And I'm such a late bloomer in like everything. If I'm scared of something I tend to avoid it until the last very minute. I feel different around people...