Finals and other things
So finals are upon us at my college and I randomly decided I wanted to analyze or just describe some things since I can't study right now. I'm weird it's like after it reaches 6:30 or 7:00 pm I just can't study anymore because I'm used to getting my homework or studying done before then my brain just shuts off. Now as for studying for finals I'm having a hard time doing so. It's just so weird because usually I would be all stressed about studying for any test and now I just plain don't care as much. I believe there may be many reasons behind this, but two main causes are that I have no idea where I'm going in life and I never really know how well I'm doing in class. In other words I don't have a goal or a clear idea where I'm heading. In high school I had a goal to finish with a 4.0 and I did just that, but now I just feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly feeling very lost and confused with nothing to work or look forward to. Just get good grades in college, that's it.
Although I think there is another factor (as well as some others) playing in here as well. I've gotten lazier because I have so much free time in between classes and after them that now all I want to do is go on the internet and say, "I'll work on that later because I have so much time, etc". It's a bad habit to fall in to, so let's just hope I can do better next semester. ^^
Next I hardly ever know what my grades are in the class. So half the time I'm thinking and hoping I'm doing well in the class without actually seeing my grade. Thus I've gotten lazier since I'm not worrying if a certain assignment will drop my grade to a lower percent, and I hate it. I wish I could be my old self and have the urge to study and get good grades, but I fear the only way is to truly figure out my major and what I want to do with the rest of my life. That's going to take awhile because as of now I like art. Big deal, it's probably just going to end up as a hobby not as career. I love animals, but I can't take the vet route because I'm afraid of it and causing animals pain. Science is very interesting, but I'd have to be an expert in it and take a bunch of math classes. Yuck, math. I like writing stories, (maybe I'll be the next Stephanie Meyer, ;)), but that will probably just be a hobby. So ya who knows, I'm just getting very tired of feeling lost in this world.
Anyways growing up into an adult is hard for I'm not ready to throw away my childhood/teenage years yet. Sometimes I wish I could just lock myself in a room and stop time for a couple of years, but that's never going to happen. (It would be nice if it did though ^^) So I still don't have my drivers license yet and it's starting to bug me more now. When I was 16 I had an array of different emotions about this. First I was scared to actually take a class and learn how to drive. Second, I just didn't really have an interest in it for both my parents had to use their cars practically 24/7 and I didn't really understand all the excitement about it anyway. I didn't have a need for a car because I can walk anywhere, the only reason I need it now is so I can feel relieved I have the stupid card and don't have to worry about jobs, etc. I feel like I've doomed myself now and the feeling like why didn't I take it back in 11th grade when one of my friends said, "let's take it over the summer". I could have had a friend in the class. Oh well, I guess I'll just ride a horse everywhere or maybe a dragon! ^^
Let's see the next thing I can ramble on about is jobs. I'm getting tired of being scared about them and feeling like there's nothing out there I can do and no one wants me. I don't want to go back and work at Kara chocolate's factory, but it seems like I'm doomed/forced, and there are no other choices. So let's analyze the fact of why am I scared? First I hate trying new things because of course I'm going to be scared about them and not know how to do the proper job. Second, I want to remain invisible and not have a boss/manager have to ask me to do something because when that happens I freak out and ask them so many questions it feels like they may get annoyed and yell at me then they will have to do the task themselves. Lastly I don't do well with working with alot of pressure. So fast food places seem to be problem if I somehow got a job there.
So ya the cowardly lion/mouse is trying to grow up, but not taking it well and I have so many things on my plate and things to accomplish. In psychology terms I'm not at my "ideal self" or best self yet and it hurts. I long to be myself again and be a more confident person, but it's hard. I feel so lonely and lost.
Anyways on a brighter note/ending Stephanie Meyer is coming to my state for the Host tour!! This is like a once in a lifetime chance to see her, and wow I've never met an author of one of my favorite books before so it's going to be so much fun. And I'm going to record her and possibly put it on youtube. ^^ Then there's Breaking Dawn coming out in August *cheers* Love those books. They're like the first romance books I've ever read. The only romance writing I ever read is fanfiction. hehe ;) Also the Twilight movie is coming out in December of this year!!! *jumps up and down* I have never been this much excited for a movie (other than the first Harry Potter movie and possibly LOTR).
Although I think there is another factor (as well as some others) playing in here as well. I've gotten lazier because I have so much free time in between classes and after them that now all I want to do is go on the internet and say, "I'll work on that later because I have so much time, etc". It's a bad habit to fall in to, so let's just hope I can do better next semester. ^^
Next I hardly ever know what my grades are in the class. So half the time I'm thinking and hoping I'm doing well in the class without actually seeing my grade. Thus I've gotten lazier since I'm not worrying if a certain assignment will drop my grade to a lower percent, and I hate it. I wish I could be my old self and have the urge to study and get good grades, but I fear the only way is to truly figure out my major and what I want to do with the rest of my life. That's going to take awhile because as of now I like art. Big deal, it's probably just going to end up as a hobby not as career. I love animals, but I can't take the vet route because I'm afraid of it and causing animals pain. Science is very interesting, but I'd have to be an expert in it and take a bunch of math classes. Yuck, math. I like writing stories, (maybe I'll be the next Stephanie Meyer, ;)), but that will probably just be a hobby. So ya who knows, I'm just getting very tired of feeling lost in this world.
Anyways growing up into an adult is hard for I'm not ready to throw away my childhood/teenage years yet. Sometimes I wish I could just lock myself in a room and stop time for a couple of years, but that's never going to happen. (It would be nice if it did though ^^) So I still don't have my drivers license yet and it's starting to bug me more now. When I was 16 I had an array of different emotions about this. First I was scared to actually take a class and learn how to drive. Second, I just didn't really have an interest in it for both my parents had to use their cars practically 24/7 and I didn't really understand all the excitement about it anyway. I didn't have a need for a car because I can walk anywhere, the only reason I need it now is so I can feel relieved I have the stupid card and don't have to worry about jobs, etc. I feel like I've doomed myself now and the feeling like why didn't I take it back in 11th grade when one of my friends said, "let's take it over the summer". I could have had a friend in the class. Oh well, I guess I'll just ride a horse everywhere or maybe a dragon! ^^
Let's see the next thing I can ramble on about is jobs. I'm getting tired of being scared about them and feeling like there's nothing out there I can do and no one wants me. I don't want to go back and work at Kara chocolate's factory, but it seems like I'm doomed/forced, and there are no other choices. So let's analyze the fact of why am I scared? First I hate trying new things because of course I'm going to be scared about them and not know how to do the proper job. Second, I want to remain invisible and not have a boss/manager have to ask me to do something because when that happens I freak out and ask them so many questions it feels like they may get annoyed and yell at me then they will have to do the task themselves. Lastly I don't do well with working with alot of pressure. So fast food places seem to be problem if I somehow got a job there.
So ya the cowardly lion/mouse is trying to grow up, but not taking it well and I have so many things on my plate and things to accomplish. In psychology terms I'm not at my "ideal self" or best self yet and it hurts. I long to be myself again and be a more confident person, but it's hard. I feel so lonely and lost.
Anyways on a brighter note/ending Stephanie Meyer is coming to my state for the Host tour!! This is like a once in a lifetime chance to see her, and wow I've never met an author of one of my favorite books before so it's going to be so much fun. And I'm going to record her and possibly put it on youtube. ^^ Then there's Breaking Dawn coming out in August *cheers* Love those books. They're like the first romance books I've ever read. The only romance writing I ever read is fanfiction. hehe ;) Also the Twilight movie is coming out in December of this year!!! *jumps up and down* I have never been this much excited for a movie (other than the first Harry Potter movie and possibly LOTR).
posted by Sorano18 @ 6:42 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home